


call it what you want

by smartlove



Series: chronicles of a dilf hunter and his dilf [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dad! Jeno, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Idol Renjun, Kid Fic, M/M, Meet-Cute, Strangers to Lovers, hiking date, just an abundance of dates!!, picnic date, renjun rediscovering his love for music, sora as the cutest kid ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27409435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartlove/pseuds/smartlove
Summary: “You look really familiar,” Jeno says, “Sorry if that’s a weird thing to say,”Renjun is about to reply when Sora cuts in, leaning into her dad’s ear and basically shouting,“That’s Huang Renjun!”Renjun deflates, so much for secrecy.In which, Renjun's castle crumbles overnight and he runs away to a small town in the country-side. There, he meets an eccentric six-year-old girl and her equally eccentric father who teach Renjun that there's more to life then what he once knew.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Series: chronicles of a dilf hunter and his dilf [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033371
Comments: 44
Kudos: 360
Collections: '00 FIC FEST ROUND TWO





	call it what you want

**Author's Note:**

> prompt number #00423
> 
> a big big thank you to the 00ff mod for working so hard organising this fic fest!! thank you to the prompter as well because I fell in love with this prompt as soon as a saw it!! <33
> 
> hope you all enjoy this fic and fall in love with noren and sora the same way I did. I'm a little bit obsessed with the cute little family I created.

Here’s something they don’t tell you about fame: the blinding lights, roar of a crowd and pretty pennies come at a cost. It’s ugly. It’s politics and bribery, becoming more product than person. It’s your passion turning into a chore, drinking for fun turning into drinking to cope. 

Fame is the forbidden fruit that hangs from the tree of dreams, something others would risk their lives for. It has all the appeal of a white cobra; a rarity, something you would be lucky to even get a glimpse of. Shiny scales and beautiful from afar, but deadly up close. 

At age seventeen, if you offered Renjun the forbidden fruit and warned him of all the risks that came with it— sleepless nights, a corrupted company in a corrupted industry, the compulsive drive to be perfect even when no one was watching— he would answer with _my nights are already sleepless,_ and take a bite.

Now, however, Renjun is twenty-five and exhausted. The fatigue from the last eight years of his life is bone deep and he’s desperate for a break. Alas, rest is a luxury in this line of work. The idol life is a bullet train, blink and you’ll miss it, stop and they’ll leave you behind and Renjun is heading straight towards a world tour. 

He’s crouched over the toilet in one of the company bathrooms, emptying the already bare contents of his stomach into it. Along with the late-night practices, sleep deprivation and pathetic excuse of a diet they gave him to prepare for the tour, Renjun’s body is starting to give out. 

He sits back against the stall, leaning his head back against the cool wall and clutching his stomach as the pain refuses to die down. The door to the bathroom opens, Renjun hopes it’s his manager, he doesn’t have the energy to deal with anyone else.

“Oh, Renjun,” comes Jisung’s voice by the opened stall door. 

He crouches down and hands Renjun a bottle of water. The boy takes it gratefully, shooting his manager a tired smile. He chugs the water down quickly, trying to scrub the taste of bile out of his mouth. Jisung rubs his back gently. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Renjun croaks out. 

Jisung sighs, it’s weary and sad, “I requested for them to postpone the tour but they won’t budge, they say it’s too late to change anything,” 

_It’s out of our hands. It’s too late to change anything. It wouldn’t be fair to the fans if we cancel._

Renjun’s given the same cycle of excuses time and time again. He’s tired. So tired. He hits his head back against the cool stall, tears fall down his face. Jisung leans over to wipe them away.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“It’s not your fault,” Renjun replies, because it’s not. His manager risks his career and breaks his back trying to help him.

Another thing they don’t tell you about fame is that it’s lonely on the top of the Billboard charts. Renjun wasn’t lucky enough to debut with a group, so there was no one to share the burden with him. Jisung tries to help him carry the burden. It’s lonely at the top, but at least he has Jisung.

“I still wish I could do more,” Jisung says sadly.

Renjun shrugs, “It is what it is, hopefully I’ll get my break after the tour.”

Jisung sits down properly and wraps an arm around Renjun to pull him in. In moments like this, when everything is out of their control, sometimes it is just enough to have someone sit with you.

Renjun drops his head onto Jisung’s shoulder.

“You’ll get through this, Renjunnie,” he says, “You’re strong.”

Renjun isn’t strong. Like everyone else in this field of work, he pretends to be. It’s two in the morning and he has to be on a flight to Japan as soon as dawn breaks. He packs his bags in an almost catatonic state, the things that usually excite him about going on tour are filtered under shades of gray. Dreary and miserable. As if he’s permanently trapped inside a storm cloud. How can he show his fans his best self when he doesn’t even know who he is anymore? 

When he finishes packing he opens up his laptop, there’s no way he’s getting any sleep so he might as well watch some anime until it’s time to leave. 

It’s an advertisement on a shady anime site that gives him an idea. 

_Want a break?_

He reads the colourful words on the side of his screen while he waits for his show to stop buffering. 

_Take a trip to the city of love!_

Renjun scoffs, how corny. 

_Cheap tickets to Namwon available today._

Namwon. He’s never been there before. Renjun’s been all over Korea— Asia, even— but he’s never been to Namwon. He doesn’t click on the link because he’s not an idiot, but he opens a new tab and goes to a more trustworthy airline website. 

The advertisement wasn’t kidding. The flights _are_ cheap. There is one in three hours. 

It’s a split second impulse decision. A moment of weakness— or bravery? 

The first time Renjun allowed himself to be selfish was the day he decided to become an idol. Buying this ticket is the second. 

He stares at the confirmation email. The light from the laptop burns his eyes as he reads the ticket details over and over again. He feels a little bit like his soul left his body and he’s watching himself fuck up his entire career over what? A trip to the country-side? 

He suppresses his own qualms. He deserves this. He prints the ticket out. 

The bed creaks when he stands from it, he does a final once over of his belongings, making sure he has everything he needs. 

Everything feels like a blur as he calls a taxi, dragging his luggage down his apartment building as quietly as he could. It’s a blur as the city lights pass him by, a city that once felt like freedom at the tip of his tongue now serves as prison walls disguised as skyscrapers. It’s a blur as he thanks the driver, winter air cutting his skin as he steps out of the car and walks to the entrance of the airport. 

He turns off his phone, clutches his ticket in his shaky hands and pulls his mask up. 

Renjun has a plane to catch. 

Renjun sleeps the entire fifty-five minute flight and awakes to auburn breaking across the horizon. He squints against the rising sun, the plane landing unsteadily against the rocky runway. The sinking feeling in his stomach resides slightly at being back on the ground. Being up in the air bundled up in the anxieties of everything he left behind wasn’t good for him. A power nap and a new town to explore helped a little. 

The air in Namwon is refreshing, more so than it was in Seoul. That is the first thing Renjun realises when he steps out of the airport. The second is that he has nowhere to sleep. He turns his phone back on to check the time, dreading it as the white apple icon appears on his screen. 

It’s barely seven am and Renjun thinks he can curl up and fall asleep on the sidewalk. As soon as the service reconnects his phone blows up with notifications. Missed calls and messages.

**baobei manager:**

_Where are you_

_Why aren’t you at the apartment_

_????_

_You have a flight in 30 mins_

_Renjun._

_Hyung answer your phone_

_We’re all worried hyung_

_Me especially_

_Just_

_Just let me know you’re okay._

Guilt rips through his insides as he reads his manager's messages. His fingers move to text him back but then he halts. Jisung would do anything to protect Renjun, including risking his own career. If Renjun tells the boy where he is and Jisung keeps it from their company, he could get fired. They wouldn’t fire Renjun–– they can’t–– but they could fire Jisung and everyone else close to him. It’s better to leave Jisung in the dark, despite how much it pains him to. He closes his messages and decides to call his brother, at least one person should know. 

_“Renjun?”_ a worried voice says through the phone. 

Warmth floods through him at the familiar tone. 

“Kun ge,” Renjun breaths out, “Hi,”

“Renjun, where are you?” Kun asks, the sound of his mother tongue is a blanket of comfort over his aching shoulders, “Everyone is worried sick, I’ve gotten a million calls from your company asking if you’re with us and mama is–”

“Mama?” Renjun cuts in, “Is she okay?”

Kun sighs, “She’s fine, just worried about you,”

“Tell her that I’m safe and I’m okay,” Renjun replies.

“ _Are_ you okay?” Kun asks, skeptical. “Renjun where are you?”

“I’m–” he gulps, “I’m in Namwon,”

 _“Nam–_ at least you’re close by,” Kun says, “Do you want me to come get you?”

“No, I think I should stay here for a bit,”

“Renjun, what about the tour–”

“I need a break, gege,” Renjun rushes out, voice cracking in a way that’s desperate to be heard, “I need this, you’re not bringing me home,”

He’s met with silence on the other line. 

“Okay, bub,” Kun says, “I won’t tell anyone where you are just–– be safe and call me whenever you can,”

A breath of relief, and then, “Thank you,”

“I know as well as anyone how much you need this,” Kun says a little sadly, “Rest up and come back when you’re ready, I’ll put out whatever fires I can back here,”

“I love you,” Renjun says, he can always count on his brother to understand him. 

“I love you too,” Kun replies, “See you soon, didi.”

He hangs up. Renjun feels a little lighter. 

He puts his phone on do not disturb mode and looks for a hotel to stay at for the next few weeks. 

When Renjun wakes up, he does it suddenly, like he’s emerging from deep water. It’s a habit he’s developed after years of having to wake up as soon as he closes his eyes. The anxiety of having somewhere to be would shock him awake better than caffeine could. When Renjun wakes up in the plush bed of a luxury hotel room, he realises that he has nowhere to be. He snuggles back against the pillows. It’s a bizarre feeling, being well rested, but he welcomes it with open arms. Maybe he could get used to it. He checks the time on his phone and realises that he slept well into the next day. He had crashed into the bed as soon as he entered his room and fallen fast asleep without even changing his clothes.

Renjun searches his name on Naver, curious to what people were saying about his disappearance. 

_Huang Renjun Goes Missing Night Before World Tour_

_SMs Star Soloist Huang Renjun Goes Berserk?_

_Fans Worry Over Huang Renjun Who Disappeared Before His Japan Concert_

_Shows Cancelled Across Japan as Singer Huang Renjun Goes Missing: How Will SM Clean This One Up?_

Renjun puts his phone back down. That was a mistake, he needs a long bath. 

Namwon is beautiful. A lakeside town in the corner of the countryside that ran with nature. Renjun has never seen this much green in his life, it’s a nice change from the gray, cloudless city skies of Seoul. The streets are mostly empty, it’s still quite early in the morning. The gravel of the road crunches loudly under his feet as he walks. He’s in search of a breakfast place. Since he’s had enough rest for what is probably a lifetime, he wants to do some exploring. 

The street is lined up with boutiques. Thrift stores, book shops and the like. He stops at the coffee shop tucked into the corner of the street. The place is called _‘Love, Sora’._ The entire front of the store is draped in fairy lights along with a blackboard which spelled out the breakfast specials in pastel coloured chalk. 

The bell chimes when Renjun enters the shop, it’s a cozy little place. There’s a bookshelf pushed against one of the walls with bean bags surrounding it. Plants line the window sills and a sweet aroma of freshly baked cookies wafts in through the kitchen.

He’s pleased to find that the place is mostly empty. He keeps his mask up as he approaches the counter anyway, deciding not to risk it. There’s no one at the counter, Renjun leans forward against the wood to catch a glimpse of the kitchen. His efforts to catch a peak fail and he decides to call out instead,

“Hello, is anyone here?” 

There’s a crashing sound. Like metal pans clashing against the floor. 

“I’ll be with you soon!” a voice calls out. 

Renjun leans back, eyebrows furrowing in concern. Strange. 

A man walks–– or rather scurries–– out of the kitchen wearing a pink apron with hearts on it and carrying a plate of baked goods. 

“Sorry for the wait,” the man says, placing the plate in the display area, “It’s been a really hectic morning,” 

There’s flour coating his cheek, his hair is pulled up into a tiny ponytail on the top of his head. Cute, Renjun thinks.

“It’s okay,” Renjun says, “I like your apron,” 

His eyes widen astronomically as he looks down at his attire, ears turning a light pink. He scrambles to take it off. 

“I’ve been baking,” he offers, gesturing vaguely to the treats on the counter. 

“I can see that, smells amazing,” Renjun says. 

“Tastes better,” he replies, grinning brightly. “On that note, welcome to Love, Sora, what can I get for you?” 

Renjun scans the menu, “A large cappuccino and pancakes, please–– oh, also, one of those brownies,” 

“Coming right up,” he says, “Feel free to sit anywhere,” 

Renjun catches his name tag before he turns away. _Jeno._

The food at the cafe is incredible. Renjun orders more food as soon as he finishes his pancakes, glad to be free of the strict diet his trainers put him on for the tour. He stays until the morning sun climbs the sky, ordering coffees and reading one of the books on display on the bookshelves. He’s lucky that customers barely come in. Rather than a usual crowd, there’s only a few people who enter, walking past Renjun to their own seats without a care in the world. It’s relaxing, peaceful. 

He startles when something pokes his arm, turning his head in the direction of interruption. When he comes face to face with nothing, he looks down. And there it is: a kid. 

A little girl, pulling on his sleeve and staring up at him with big, owlish eyes. 

“Hello,” he says. 

The girl just stares at him. Eyes unblinking. Renjun briefly wonders if anyone else can see the kid too. He looks around the cafe, there was barely anyone in and no one else seems to be missing a kid. Or noticing the kid. 

“Are you lost?” Renjun goes for his gentlest voice, the same one he uses on his nephew, “Where are your parents?”

“I like your hair,” the kid blurts out, pointing up at his fading pink hair. He’d discarded his hat earlier, figuring there was no need for it. 

“Thank you,” Renjun replies, “I like your hair too,” 

“My favourite idol has the same hair as you,”

There’s a split second of panic that shoots right through Renjun. There’s no way–– right?

“Is that so?” 

The girl nods excitedly, “His name is Huang Renjun! Do you know him?” 

“I’m familiar.” Renjun says, amused, the girl ignores him and continues talking.

“He’s my _favourite._ ” she gushes,“He sings Fools and Beautiful Time and Best Friend––” she counts the songs off with her fingers as she lists them, “1,2,3 is my favourite, have you heard it?” she doesn’t wait for Renjun to answer, “and oh my goodness he is _so_ handsome,” 

Renjun giggles, the girl stops talking and scowls at him, crossing her arms in an adorable manner.

“Why are you laughing? I am not joking,” 

She leans closer into his space, narrowing her eyes as she watches him.

“Actually…” she trails off. 

In a one sudden movement she reaches up and pulls Renjun’s mask down. Renjun scrambles frantically, moving back and pulling the mask back up. The girl stares at him, complete shock coating her expression as she wordlessly stares. She says nothing. One second passes, and then another. 

And then she lets out a loud screech. 

Renjun panics. He’s never panicked this much in his life. He could imagine the headlines: _Huang Renjun gets his sorry ass dragged back to Seoul after a six year old kid exposes him._

Tragic. Pathetic. He pulls his mask back down.

“Hey, hey,” he tries gently, “Please calm down,” 

The child looked furthest away from calm, she looked like she was about to vibrate out of her skin. 

“You’re Huang Renjun!” she says loudly. He winces and looks around, no one seems to notice–– or care. 

“Yes I am,” Renjun says, “But you can’t tell anyone it’s me, can it be our little secret?” 

He holds out his pinky

The girl looks thrilled. She locks their pinkies together. 

“Don’t worry,” she whispers, still very loud, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you,” Renjun replies, letting out a sigh of relief. He could feel his hair turning gray, he wouldn’t even need to dye it for his next comeback. 

“Can I tell my dad, though?” the girl says, pouting slightly “He always makes fun of me when I say I’m going to marry Huang Renjun,”

Renjun doesn’t know how to break it to this little girl that he isn’t going to marry her. Instead, he asks,

“Where is your dad?” 

She shrugs, seemingly unbothered that she is alone in a coffee shop with no parental supervision, “He’s somewhere around here,” 

She begins climbing up Renjun’s chair and she doesn’t stop until she’s seated in his lap. 

“I really love Best Friend,” she says, “Can you sing it for me?”

“Maybe another time, okay?” Renjun says to appease her. “What’s your name, little one?” 

She pauses, face scrunching up like she’s thinking about it.

“Saturn,”

“Saturn?” 

She nods enthusiastically. 

“Nice to meet you Saturn,” he says, “You have a lovely name,” 

“Thanks!” she replies with a grin, her front two teeth were missing, “I chose it myself,”

“Sora?” a voice calls from the kitchen, progressively getting louder, “Sora! I heard you scream, where are you?”

The girl huffs, rolling her eyes. Renjun guesses that she’s the Sora in question. 

Jeno skids through the cafe–– quite literally skidding across the wooden floors–– eyes wide in a search. Renjun connects the dots instantly. This place is called Love, Sora; Jeno must own the cafe. That means––

“I’m guessing she’s yours?” he calls out, gesturing to the kid in his lap. 

Jeno meets his eyes, relief flooding into them. 

“Sora! There you are, why did you scream?” 

She crosses her arms, frowning at him, “I told you to call me Saturn!” 

“Ah, sorry darling,” he says, reaching his arms out to carry the girl. She goes willingly, wrapping her arm around her father’s neck and burying her head in his shoulder, “Appa’s still getting used to it,” 

Jeno looks at Renjun, “She’s learning about space in school,” he explains, “Every day she chooses a different planet to go by,” 

“That’s adorable,” Renjun says, “She’s adorable.” 

Jeno grins with pride, “Thanks. Sorry that she got all up in your personal space, she has no concept of boundaries whatsoever.”

Renjun laughs, “I don’t mind,”

Jeno stares at Renjun for longer than what’s considered polite. Head tilting and eyebrows furrowing. He understands where Sora gets her staring problem from now. 

“You look really familiar,” Jeno says, “Sorry if that’s a weird thing to say,” 

Renjun is about to reply when Sora cuts in, leaning into her dad’s ear and basically shouting,

“That’s Huang Renjun!” 

Renjun deflates, so much for secrecy. 

Jeno berates Sora for shouting, hushing her before looking back at Renjun with an apologetic smile. 

“Nice to meet you Huang Renjun,” he says, “You’re quite popular in our household,” 

Renjun chuckles, hoping his nerves don’t show. “So I’ve heard,” 

Jeno is still observing him, Renjun wonders if there’s crumbs on his face. Or if Jeno knows that Renjun is a run away idol. 

“You’re lucky you came in today,” Jeno says instead, “Sundays are slow so you’re less likely to get recognised,” 

Renjun shrugs, “That was the plan. Guess it didn’t work since your little one here recognised me,” 

Jeno laughed, “Sorry again about her, she’s going through her idol crazy phase. The other day I drove all around town looking for this specific boy group merch she wanted.” Jeno seems to realise that he’s rambling, cheeks heating up as he stops talking. Talking too much must be a habit of Jeno’s. Renjun finds he doesn’t mind too much, despite being a man of limited words himself. “So are you on vacation?”

“Huh? Oh,” He belatedly realises that Jeno does not know of Renjun’s current idol status, “Yeah, something like that,” 

“Well, Namwon is a great choice,” Jeno says, grinning, “It’s lovely here, a real tourist attraction,” 

Renjun laughs, “You sound like a walking advertisement,” 

Jeno winks at him. Sora starts to squirm in his arms. 

“She’s getting restless,” he explains, “Her sitter cancelled last minute so I had an impromptu bring your kid to work day,”

“How’s that going for you?” Renjun asks.

He gives out an exasperated sigh, that’s enough of an answer. “I’ll leave you to your food,” he says, waving Renjun away with his free arm. 

The interaction feels Renjun feeling uneasy. While Jeno seems friendly and he doesn’t think a six year old is out to sabotage him, he’s unsure if he’s safe with them knowing who he really is. It’s hard to know who to trust when you’re an idol. Anyone around he could be waiting for him with a camera, ready to expose him with the click of a button. Jeno’s cute-but-clumsy demeanor could be a ploy–– _hell,_ maybe Sora isn’t really his kid, but a child actress hired to wear Renjun down. Okay, he was getting paranoid. 

Before he leaves the cafe, he approaches the counter. This paranoia will only continue to irk him until he deals with it. 

Jeno greets him with a smile, “Are you ordering?” 

“No, I just wanted to uh– tell you something,” Renjun says, he looks around the room. The cafe is completely empty.

“Okay,” Jeno says, prompting him to continue. 

“The public isn’t supposed to know I’m here,” he starts, “I took an–– um–– _impromptu_ vacation and I’m trying to keep on the downlow,” Jeno’s eyes widen,“I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone you saw me.”

Jeno blinks wordlessly for a bit. Renjun waits. 

Then finally: “I won’t tell anyone,” he says, “Neither will Sora, I’ll talk to her,” 

Relief floods into Renjun’s viens, “Really?” 

Jeno shakes his head, “I have nothing to gain from exposing you like that.”

“Thank you so much,” Renjun breathes out, finally allowing his jaw to unclench. He hadn’t realised what a toll this worry took on his body until now. Holy shit. 

“No problem,” Jeno replies, his grin never fading. 

“I’ll get going now,” Renjun says, “Thanks for the food, it was amazing,” 

“Thank you for coming!” Jeno greets in his very obvious _server_ voice, “Hope you come again soon!” 

Renjun definitely will be coming back soon. If not for the brilliant pancakes, then the person who made them. 

That night, Renjun stays in his hotel room, deciding to lounge in his complimentary bathrobe and surf through the TV channels. He’s never been able to just waste time like this, and he is enjoying every minute of it. He leans back against his bed as a drama he doesn’t recognise plays as white noise. He wants to go exploring, the town is beautiful and he longs to see every part of it, but a part of him is afraid to, it’ll be so easy to get discovered. He hates feeling like this. Even when he’s on the run––in hiding–– his company still has a chokehold on him. 

Renjun shakes the thoughts away. He’s supposed to be relaxing. His guitar case stands out in the corner of his eye, leaning against his suitcase. He brought it with him out of habit, even if he had no intention of using it. He stands from his bed, walking over and kneeling down next to the case. He unzips it carefully, revealing the black acoustic guitar Kun had gifted him for his tenth birthday. It’s been through some shit, covered in various stickers and scratches, but it’s everything to him. Renjun’s lucky charm; it never leaves his sight. 

He takes it out of the case, he can’t remember the last time he ever played. He barely touched instruments anymore, nor did he write music. Lately it’s been churning out song after song, without the opportunity to make any creative decisions. He hasn’t felt passionate about any of his latest releases. Renjun feels like nothing but a vessel for the company. He’s tired, he wants to be his own vessel. 

He strums a few chords to get the feeling back into his fingers. It welcomes him lovingly. He tries to recall the chords to one of his older songs, the ones he wrote using this same guitar. His playing is messy, he has to keep pausing to recall chords and occasionally messing up. But it’s okay, no one is here to judge him for it, to tell him he needs to do better.

A ghost of a smile plays at his lips, flickers of what was left of his passion ignites again. It’s weak, barely there, but it’s there. And Renjun is over the moon about it. 

Renjun returns to Love, Sora the next morning. He wakes up a little later than usual, his sleep schedule is slowly returning to what it was before he had to wake up at dawn for schedules and rehearsals. To Renjun’s dismay, the cafe is nothing like it was the day before. It’s filled to the brim with customers, every table is taken and there’s a line forming at the counter. Renjun instinctively ducks his head down, hoping that the monochromatic colours he’s dressed in will help him blend into the crowd. Anxiety pricks at his stomach as he moves down the line. He wonders if he should leave and get breakfast elsewhere, maybe back in the safety of his hotel room. He’s about to leave the line when he realises he’s reached the counter. Jeno looks up at him, and his eyes fill with immediate recognition. He smiles apologetically. 

“Monday mornings are our busiest,” he explains. 

“No kidding,” Renjun says, voice muffled through his mask. 

Jeno must sense the panic in his eyes–– or maybe his tone, every part of Renjun was panicking right now. 

“You can wait in the staffroom,” he offers, “No one will be in there and I can bring you breakfast,” 

“You’d really do that?” Renjun asks. He’s finding it hard to believe how _kind_ Jeno is. There’s no way someone would do this many good deeds and expect nothing in return.

Jeno just shrugs, “Sure, we can’t have your vacation getting cut short,” 

“You’re godsent,” Renjun breathes out. 

Jeno smiles bashfully, the tips of his ears dusting the lightest pink. He gestures to the closed door next to the kitchen. “Right there,” 

Renjun bows his head, “Thank you so much,” he says. Walking to the door and pushing it open. Grateful for the way the noise of the crowd mutes once he closes the door behind him. 

Renjun is lazily slouching on the wooden table in the staff room, answering a text to Kun when a knock comes to the door. He quickly fixes his posture. 

“You don’t have to knock,” he calls, “This is your cafe,” 

The door creaks open and Jeno walks in, carrying two plates of pancakes and a cup of coffee in his arms with an impressive skill. 

“I was giving you privacy,” he says. He places the food down gently on the table.

“Were you expecting me to be undressed or something?” Renjun teases. 

Jeno only shrugs, “I don’t know what you celebrity types are like,” 

This makes Renjun giggle. Jeno takes the seat next to him. 

“Seriously, thank you for this,” Renjun says again. 

“You don’t need to keep thanking me,” Jeno says, “I’m just being nice,” 

“All of this,” Renjun says, gestures towards the food, and then himself, “is out of niceness?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” 

Renjun pauses, he looks at Jeno carefully, trying to flesh out any sort of hidden intentions. 

“You don’t want anything in return? Not even money?” 

Jeno’s eyebrows pull downwards, he looks offended. 

“You think I want money?” he asks, incredulously, “I’m actually doing pretty well here actually, don’t you think?” he points towards the crowd outside. 

Touche, Jeno. Touche. 

Renjun shrugs, “I’m just being cautious,” 

“I suppose I can’t blame you,” Jeno replies, “It can’t be easy, having to be suspicious all the time,” 

Renjun chuckles dryly, “Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” 

They eat in silence for a while, and then Jeno picks the conversation back up. The other man must not be fond of long silences, he’s been nothing but conversational since Renjun met him. 

“How long are you staying in Namwon?”

“No idea,” Renjun says, picking at his pancakes, “Until I get found, I guess,” 

“That sounds stressful,” Jeno says.

“I can handle a bit of stress,”

“I don’t know if I could handle that kind of uncertainty,” Jeno muses, like he’s contemplating it, putting himself in Renjun’s shoes maybe. 

“That’s why you live in a small town,” Renjun says. 

This pulls a laugh out of Jeno, “Yeah, definitely, would you believe me if I said I was once a city boy?”

Renjun’s jaw drops, “No way,” 

He nods, grinning, “I grew up in Seoul, I only moved here after Sora was born,” 

“So, what made you stay in Namwon?” Renjun asks through a mouthful of pancakes. 

“It’s beautiful,” Jeno says, beaming wonderfully, “It’s hard not the fall in love, plus the community here was so welcoming to me and Sora. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.” 

This brings a smile to Renjun’s own face. He wants to experience Namwon, or any city really, through Jeno’s eyes. Fall in love with it the same way Jeno has. He’s lived in Seoul his entire life, and has never stopped to appreciate the beauty of it. All he knew of it was the blur that passed him by when he drove from schedule to schedule. 

“You should give me a list of places to go,” Renjun says. 

“Or I could take you?” 

Renjun’s eyebrows shoot upward in surprise, “What?” 

The tips of Jeno’s ears tint the slightest bit of pink, Renjun’s smile only grows.

“Sorry if that was too forward,” Jeno mumbles, his confidence dwindling, “I was just thinking, since you’re new in town and you don’t know anyone––”

“I’d love that,” Renjun cuts in. Touring an unknown city with a stranger didn’t seem like the wisest idea, but then again, it wasn’t the wildest thing Renjun has done in the past week. 

Wise or not, seeing Jeno’s smile at his response is totally worth it. 

“Great, I’ve already got like, a million places in mind,” 

“Do you want my number?” Renjun asks, “So we can plan together,” 

The other man nods vigorously, “Sure,” 

Renjun pulls his phone out and hands it to Jeno, he types it in and hands it back. 

“I should get going,” he says, gesturing outside the staff room where one of his employees looked like they were suffering, “Duty calls, feel free to leave through the back door whenever you feel like it,” 

“Thanks again,” Renjun says, watching Jeno stand up and feeling a little sad to watch him go, “Seriously,” 

Jeno shrugs, eyes glittering, “It’s no problem, Renjun,” 

Later that night, when Renjun gets in bed and picks up his phone to obsessively scroll through what people are saying about him online, he gets a text. 

**Unknown Number**

_Hey it’s Jeno!_

_From the cafe lol_

Renjun smiles and adds his contact. 

**You**

_Hey Jeno from the cafe_

**Lee Jeno**

_Hey Renjun from my daughter’s posters_

_What are your thoughts on hiking?_

**You**

_I avoid them at all costs_

_Why?_

**Lee Jeno**

_:)_

**You**

_Jeno??_

**Lee Jeno**

_I have the day off tomorrow_

_I’ll pick you up at 8_

**You**

_8am???_

_Jeno. 8am?_

[read]

“I’m starting to regret taking up your offer to show me around,” Renjun says through heavy pants, his hands on his knees as he stops to take a breather. 

True to his word, Jeno showed up outside his hotel at eight in the morning, while Renjun was struggling to find appropriate shoes for hiking. Sora had the day off school for some public holiday and Jeno wanted to take her to this one hiking trail for a while–– so he decided to invite Renjun along. Renjun didn’t know what was weirder, the fact that Jeno took his infant child–– okay, six years old isn’t an infant but it might as well be–– with him on hikes or that he thought this was the relaxing tourist thing that Renjun wanted to do. But he had nothing else to do that day, so he accepted the invitation. What did he have to lose, right?

“You’re an idol,” Jeno says, from his place a few steps ahead of Renjun, Sora is next to him, holding his hand and giving Renjun a very judgemental look, “Aren’t you trained to have stamina?”

A lot. He had a lot to lose. His dignity, his pride, maybe even a lung or two. 

Renjun stands up straight and sends Jeno a glare, “Shut up,”

“Ooooh, he said a bad word,” Sora accuses, pointing at Renjun and looking gleeful. Her star-struckness towards Renjun was quick to fade, now all she does is tease him. 

“Renjun!” Jeno scolds playfully, eyes twinkling with mischief, “The potty mouth on you!” 

All Jeno does is tease him too. 

He quickens his pace to catch up with the other two, shoving Jeno when he reaches him. 

“You suck,” he says, “How much further?” 

“Just a little more,” Jeno says, “Trust me, the waterfall at the end is worth it,” 

“Fine,” Renjun says as they begin walking again, “For the waterfall.” 

The leaves crunch under their feet as they walk. The forest seems to stretch out endlessly, trees that tower over them like giants and bush that tickle their legs as they walk. Everything is so alive, the wind that cools the heat at his cheeks, the birds singing from high above them, Jeno carrying quiet conversations.

Renjun feels alive. 

Every once in a while Sora points out one the birds in the trees, there are many of different colours–– orange, yellow, blue, brown. 

“Appa, what’s that one called?” she asks. She’s walking in between the two of them, there’s a skip in her step despite the long distance they’ve walked. Renjun admires her energy, he’s trudging along the path. 

Renjun’s eyes follow to where she’s pointing, a tiny bird perched on one of the trees above them, feathers of blue, white and orange. 

Jeno hums, “It’s a durian redstart,” he tells her. She repeats the word a few times, like committing it to memory. 

Renjun marvels at how Jeno has known the name of every bird they’ve encountered. 

“Why do you know that?” 

Jeno shrugs, “I hike this trail a lot, I’ve become well acquainted with the birds,” 

“That’s––” _adorable, cute, hopelessly endearing,_ “cool, that’s cool,” 

Jeno gives him a strange look. “Thanks,” he replies, sounding amused. 

When they get close enough to hear the distant sounds of the waterfall, Renjun feels a tug on the hem of his shirt. Sora is staring up at him with pleading eyes. 

“My legs hurt,” she says, “Can you carry me?” 

Renjun opens his mouth to respond but Jeno cuts in first,

“Sora darling, Renjun looks like he can barely hold himself up,” 

The glare he sends Jeno in response is deadly, he can see the other man holding back laughter. He resists the urge to curse Jeno out in front of his six-year-old daughter.

“Don’t be silly,” he says instead, getting down on one knee in front of Sora, “You can get on my back, little Saturn,”

Admittedly, the girl is heavy, but in the same way a camping bag is, so Renjun can handle it. 

He gives Jeno a smug look when Sora climbs onto his back, wrapping her arms around his neck while he hoists her up. Jeno only rolls his eyes. 

“Drop my daughter and you’re dead,” he says, while picking up his pace just to torture Renjun further. Renjun groans and follows suit. 

When they finally reach the waterfall, Sora is asleep on Renjun’s back, snoring lightly next to his ear. The sound of the water crashing against the rocks is loud, Renjun can feel the vibrations in his feet. 

The waterfall is beautiful–– completely worth the tortuous hike up here. Not that he would admit it to Jeno.

“I can take her from you,” Jeno offers, coming up next to Renjun to watch the water. 

Renjun shakes his head, “It’s fine, I don’t want to interrupt her sleep. It’s a shame she’s missing the view though,” 

Jeno hums, watching the two of them with a fond look in his eyes, “She really likes you,” 

Renjun smiles, “I like her too,” 

“Enough to get us free tickets to your next show?” Jeno jokes. 

“If I have a next show,” Renjun mutters dryly. He doesn’t mean for it to slip out, forgetting that Jeno isn’t aware of the real reason that he’s in Namwon. 

Jeno raises a questioning eyebrow, “What do you––” 

“Let’s lay out the blankets,” Renjun interrupts, in a slightly panicked state, “You brought lunch, right? I’m hungry,” 

Jeno’s eyebrows bunch up in confusion and he looks like he wants to ask more but he relents, “Okay, sure,” 

They lay the blankets down close enough to the waterfall that stray droplets catch against Renjun’s arms. He doesn’t mind, it’s cool–– refreshing. They have to yell a little bit to be heard over the gushing water, but nothing seems to wake Sora up. Jeno informs him that she sleeps like the dead. Renjun sets her down on the picnic blanket and Jeno digs out her favourite stuffed bear from his bag, she cuddles it while she sleeps. It’s an adorable sight, Renjun takes his phone out and snaps a picture, taking photos of the waterfall as well and sending them to Kun.

Jeno stays quiet while they eat lunch, an uncomfortable tension hanging in the air. Renjun supposes it's his fault. 

“Sorry for being weird earlier,” he says after a while. 

Jeno shakes his head, “No, it’s fine, I shouldn’t have made that joke. You probably have people asking you for free stuff all the time,” 

Renjun blinks, “That wasn’t what I was––” he takes in a breath, collecting his thoughts, “My company doesn’t know I’m here,” 

Jeno tilts his head in confusion, resembling a puppy. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I ran away the night before my tour, no one knows I’m here except for my brother and I’m missing like a million concerts–– which is why I got so snippy earlier,” 

Jeno stares at him for a while, like he’s searching for the words to say. 

He settles on, “Oh,” 

Renjun snorts, “Yeah.” 

“Why did you run away?” Jeno asks, voice gentle like he’s approaching a wounded deer. 

Renjun looks back out at the water, it calms him down in a way that’s enchanting. Droplets falling across his face, cooling down his sweaty forehead. The loud sounds filling up his ears like white noise. Renjun doesn’t know how he’s going to leave Namwon, he never feels this calm in Seoul. He turns back to Jeno and the serenity within him lingers. He hasn’t known Jeno very long, but Renjun feels like he can tell him anything. 

“I was exhausted,” Renjun says, it’s such a simple thing, yet his voice cracks saying it. The relief from saying it out loud was enough to make his eyes water, “They worked me to the bone, Jeno. Every single day felt like a struggle just to stay alive–– somewhere along the way I forgot why I even became an idol in the first place, I just needed a break to help me remember,” 

“That’s…” Jeno begins. 

“Dramatic, I know,” 

_“Awful,”_ Jeno says frowning, “I’m sorry you had to go through that, I can’t even imagine,” 

Renjun shrugs, “It’s a sad reality, the price of fame and fortune and whatnot,” 

“It still doesn’t make it okay,” he insists, “I hope you find what you’re looking for here,” 

He reaches over and brushes his hand over Renjun’s, which is laying idly on the blanket in between them. It’s barely a graze but it leaves tingles on Renjun’s skin. 

“I hope so too,” he replies, voice turning wistful, “I miss making music for fun, I used to play the piano everyday before I debuted, now I can’t even remember the last time I touched it,” 

“There’s a great piano lounge in town,” Jeno says, “The pianist is amazing, maybe we can go watch him one night,” 

Renjun smiles, “I’d like that,” he says truthfully. 

Sora shifts in her sleep, turning over and rustling the blanket, pulling the pair's attention towards her. 

“I was thinking of putting Sora in music lessons,” Jeno says thoughtfully, “Her grandma thinks it’s important for her to learn an instrument,” 

“I’m a huge advocate for the piano,” Renjun says, “And the guitar, I can teach her both,” 

Jeno raises an eyebrow, “Impressive,” 

“Is her grandma in Namwon too?” Renjun asks, looking from Sora to him. Their features are so similar that it’s uncanny, right down to the mole under both their eyes. 

“She’s back in Seoul,” Jeno replies, leaning back against his elbows to get comfortable, their food long forgotten, “She visits often, Sora loves her,” 

“What about her…?” Renjun trails off, unsure if he’s allowed to ask about Sora’s mother. Jeno seems to pick it up anyway. 

His smile is a little sad, gaze distant like he’s far away instead of right there in front of Renjun. 

“It’s just Sora and I,” Jeno says softly, “She’s all I have,” 

“It must be hard having to do it all alone,” Renjun sympathises. 

Jeno shrugs, “I have my bad days but I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. Being a dad is so rewarding, you know? She’s my everything,” 

Renjun has to physically restrain himself from cooing. Just when he thought Jeno couldn’t get any more endearing. 

Jeno shakes his head, seemingly snapping himself out of his trance, “Sorry,” he mutters, cheeks heating up with embarrassment, “Got a little sappy there, ew.” 

Renjun chuckles, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, you’re a good dad,” 

Jeno grins, and it encompasses his entire face, bringing a smile out of Renjun himself. 

“Thanks Renjun, you’re a good singer,” 

Renjun laughs, knowing fully well that the most Jeno’s heard him sing is the terrible autoned atrocity from his singles. “Thanks, Jeno.” 

Renjun goes over his conversation with Jeno a million times in his head. It’s one of the many bad habits he’s picked up, like charms on a bracelet over the course of his career. He’d overthink every meeting, interview and fan event he had. Analysing the conversation, going over what he said, wishing he could go back and change things. He couldn’t, all he could do was think about it. 

But his day with Jeno, he wouldn’t take anything back. Not the long hike, not the initial awkwardness to going to a waterfall with a stranger, and definitely not the heavy conversation they had. He’s only known Jeno for a few days, yet he trusts him completely. He feels close to Jeno despite barely knowing him. It’s terrifying, it’s exhilarating. Jeno is trustworthy and kind, his touches are as gentle as his voice. It’s so easy to get lost in him. Renjun thinks that, for once–– he’ll allow himself to do just that. 

Jeno invites Renjun to the cafe during closing time, but doesn’t tell him what they are doing. When Renjun arrives, the sky is bruising like a peach and Jeno is locking up the cafe. 

“Hey,” Jeno greets when he notices Renjun, pocketing his keys and hugging him hello. It sends involuntary shivers down his spine. 

_Stop being such a freak, Renjun,_ he chastises himself, _it’s just a fucking hug._

“Sora’s with the babysitter tonight,” Jeno says, “It’s just the two of us,” 

“Aw, tell her I miss her,” Renjun says with a pout. 

“I’ll be sure to relay the message,” Jeno replies, looking amused.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Renjun asks. 

“It’s a surprise,” Jeno says, smiling cheekily.

“I hate surprises,” Renjun says dryly. 

“I don’t care,” Jeno shoots back, just as dryly. He links their arms together and starts walking. That’s one thing Renjun has noticed about Jeno, he’s so _touchy._ Linking arms, holding hands, hugging as a form of greeting–– skinship is his best friend. Renjun usually hates it when people get into his space, but for Jeno, he thinks he can make an exception.

They walk along the mostly empty streets as the twilight sky darkens. The air is refreshing against Renjun’s skin. Most of the stores here close early, their lights off and closed signs hanging off the door. This town's night-life is close to nonexistent. Jeno is talking his ear off about a rude customer he had at work today, Renjun is content with just listening, chiming in when he needs to. They stop at what looks like a restaurant, the sign out front reading _Atrium Lounge_ in bright red letters. The lights are all off and from what Renjun can see through the window, all the chairs are stacked up. The place is as empty as the rest of the town, he gives Jeno a questioning look. 

The other man only grins, pulling his keys out of his pocket. 

“My friend owns this place,” Jeno explains as he moves to unlock the door, “I convinced him to close up early,” 

“And he agreed to it?” Renjun asks, perplexed. 

Jeno flashes him his signature grin, “He owed me a favour,” 

He opens the door and walks in, Renjun follows. 

“This is a nice gesture and all,” Renjun says as Jeno searches for the lights, “But how are we going to order food if we’re the only ones here?” 

“We’re not exactly here for the food,” Jeno says distractedly, feeling up the walls in the darkness for the light switch. 

“Then what are we––” the room floods with light, when Renjun’s eyes adjust to it, the first thing he notices is the grand piano in the centre of the room. His eyes widen and he turns to Jeno. 

“Surprise!” Jeno says lamely, arms up while he does the most pathetic jazz hands Renjun has ever witnessed. He doesn’t tease him for it though, not when he’s too busy switching his gaze from the piano to Jeno in complete disbelief. 

“You suck,” Renjun says, shoving Jeno before making his way to the piano. 

“By that you mean I’m amazing?” Jeno teases, following him. 

He runs his hands over the shiny black wood of the piano. It’s beautiful, something warm blossoms inside his chest. 

“You made your friend close this place down just so I can play?” Renjun asks, when he looks at Jeno, he’s sure that his eyes are shining with tears. He feels stupid getting emotional over something like this–– it’s just been _so long._

“It’s no big deal,” Jeno says sheepishly, “Come on, I wanna hear you play,” 

Renjun takes a seat at the stool, patting the small space next to him for Jeno to sit down. He does. Renjun lightly runs his hands over the keys, cool to his touch. He wants to savour every moment, he feels Jeno lean in closer. 

He squares out his shoulders and begins playing a song, one that comes to him as naturally as breathing despite it being so long since he last played it. It’s a song he wrote back in high school, back before he even auditioned for his company. Back when he would stop at nothing to make a name for himself, performing at every school event and singing in choirs. His fingers dance over the keys and he gets lost in the movement, momentarily forgetting where he is. 

When he finishes the song, he feels breathless. There’s electricity coursing through his veins, music hasn’t made him feel this alive in so long. This is his reminder. He can feel Jeno’s gaze burning into his side. Renjun turns to face him. His reminder. 

“Thank you for taking me here,” Renjun’s voice comes out in a whisper, he’s still breathless, “It means more to me then you know,” 

Jeno’s grin feels as electrifying as the blood in his veins. 

“It’s no problem,” he whispers back, “You play beautifully,” 

Their eyes are locked together, neither of them looking away. And Renjun can’t seem to catch his breath. Something heavy lingers in the air. Everything feels warm. Warm, warm, warm. 

Jeno leans in, it’s slow— painfully so. Like he’s giving Renjun time to pull away if he wants. But he can’t seem to move, held in place by Jeno’s brown eyes. 

Jeno presses his lips to Renjun’s. Grazing over ever so slightly, the gentlest of kisses, the testing of waters. Renjun pulls away.

The other man’s brows furrow, “Did I read this wrong?” he asks, cheeks tinting red. 

Renjun shakes his head, turning in his seat so he’s straddling the stool, finally able to look at Jeno properly. He cups Jeno’s face with both his hands. 

“No, you didn’t,” he says, thumb brushing over the red on Jeno’s cheek, “I’m just… savouring the moment,” 

He leans back in and kisses the worried look off Jeno’s face. Kissing him deeply, with everything in him. Jeno wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist, pulling him in like he weighs nothing. _Shit, fuck, damn._ Renjun thinks all at once, unable to even process Jeno’s strength when he’s slipping his tongue into his mouth. 

This moment is picture perfect, he feels alive, like a shaken molotov cocktail waiting to explode. And for the first time in a long time, Renjun feels inspired. 

That night was the catalyst for what became a whirlpool of dates and kissing and the fast-paced bubbling of feelings that Renjun has always written about in songs but never experienced himself. Falling for Jeno happened quickly, like a bungee jump off a bridge or a skydive off a plane–– neither of which Renjun has done, but when Jeno kisses him it sure feels like it. Jeno gives him a surge of adrenaline in his bones, the overwhelming and all encompassing feeling of being alive again. He’s the final hit of a defibrillator, the life saving electric shock, teaching Renjun’s heart to beat again. 

Jeno is the adventurous type, he likes going outdoors, trying new things, and taking Renjun with him. Renjun isn’t much of a fan of the outdoors–– his ideal date is staying inside and watching something shitty on Netflix just to complain about it–– but he doesn’t mind stepping out of his comfort zone when it’s with Jeno.

Their third date is at the lake. 

They’re in a secluded area, picnic blankets laid out against the grass. Similar to the day at the waterfall except this time there’s no Sora. 

Renjun is lounging under the sun like a cat, his sunglasses are on and he’s hoping he comes out of this trip with a nice tan. A shadow looms over him, he looks up from his shades to see Jeno smiling down at him, shirtless and dripping like a wet dog. 

“Hello,” Renjun says, mouth already curling up to a smile. 

Jeno shakes his hair a little, really selling the dog metaphor as water droplets fly from his hair and onto Renjun.

“Come swim with me,” Jeno says. 

Renjun sits up on his elbows, “No,”

“Why not? Don’t you know how to swim?” Jeno taunts, “I can teach you like I taught Sora,” 

Renjun glares, “I know how to swim, I just prefer not to,” 

“You’re so boring,” he says.

Then, without any warning, he bends over and scoops Renjun up in his arms–– _effortlessly._ Renjun yelps, wrappings his arms around Jeno’s neck so he doesn’t fall. Renjun’s glare deepens, which probably has no effect considering that Jeno is carrying him bridal style. 

“Put me down,” Renjun says, instead Jeno starts walking towards the lake.

“Jeno,” he warns, “I will kill you with my bare hands,” 

“That’s nice, darling,” Jeno replies, his strides getting bigger. 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Renjun relents, just when Jeno’s feet begin to touch the water, “I’ll swim, just don’t throw me in these shades were expensive,” 

Jeno lets out a loud laugh, “Okay, city boy,” he replies, letting Renjun down gracefully. 

He lays his shades carefully on the picnic blanket before joining Jeno in the water. 

Under the sun, with the water glistening off his skin, Jeno looks like a daydream. His wet hair is swept across his forehead, all wide grins and broad shoulders. Renjun feels so lucky. 

He walks over to the other man, water cold against his feet when he enters the lake. 

“Hey,” he says when he’s in Jeno’s proximity. 

Jeno’s smiling, circling his arms around Renjun’s waist, “Hi,” 

Jeno leans in like he’s about to kiss Renjun, and then, with zero warning, he dunks him under the water. 

His vision is engulfed with nothing but blue for a few seconds before he’s surging up. Spluttering while Jeno is cackling wildly. 

“You’re so fucking dead,” Renjun says, launching himself onto Jeno to dunk him into the water. 

They stay in the water until their fingers wrinkle and then some. They chase each other around, have impromptu water fights and hold breathing competitions–– like they’re teenagers on summer break. That’s what it feels like with Jeno; lighthearted and fun. 

They haven’t talked about what they are yet. What they’re doing. Renjun has to constantly remind himself that he has to go back to Seoul soon. He can’t avoid real life forever. But when Jeno swims towards him, grabs his face and kisses him underwater–– Renjun can’t help but wish that this was forever. 

Renjun spends a lot of his time at Love, Sora now. He’s been all over Namwon by now, the lakes and forests, the town square and all the tourist traps that Namwon had to offer. Yet, Love, Sora is his favourite place. 

Their fifth date is spent in the kitchen of the cafe. There’s flour scattered across the floor and dishes piled up by the sink. Jeno is trying a new recipe. 

Based on the fact that the other man owned a _literal cafe,_ Renjun didn’t expect him to be such a disaster in the kitchen. He measures ingredients wrong and leaves giant messes in his wake. At least the meringue cake he’s been working on would be worth it. Maybe. 

Jeno is mixing the bowl of cake mix so aggressively that some of it spills onto his fingers. Renjun can’t take it anymore. 

“Hand it over,” Renjun says exasperatedly. All he’s done so far is clean up after Jeno’s messes, he doesn’t know why he agreed to this, “I’ll mix it,” 

Jeno pouts but hands it over anyway, “Then what will I do?” 

Renjun gestures to the mess across the kitchen counter, “Clean up,” 

“Boring!” Jeno declares, “I’ll start on the icing,” 

Despite Jeno’s messy habits, he’s darn good at baking because the cake turns out perfect. 

“You helped a lot too,” Jeno says when Renjun tells this. They’re sitting at the counter–– now cleaned, thanks to Renjun–– and tasting their masterpiece, “I didn’t know you were so good at baking,” 

Renjun shrugs, “I used to bake with my brother as a kid,” 

Jeno hums, taking another bite of cake, “What’s your brother like?” 

“He’s my best friend,” Renjun says, “He lives in China with my mother, I haven’t seen either of them in so long,” 

“Maybe you can go visit them when you’re done with Namwon,” Jeno says.  
It’s the first time either of them have mentioned Renjun leaving. His words make Renjun shift uncomfortably. 

“Enough about that,” he says with finalty. He points towards the front of the cafe where the coffee machines are lined up neatly behind the counter, “Will you teach me how to make drinks?” 

After their seventh date, Renjun calls Kun in a wave of excitement. 

“ _Gege,”_ he gushes when Kun answers the phone, “I just wrote a song!” 

“Renjun?” Kun croaks out like he just woke up. Renjun checks the time, it’s almost two in the morning. He got back to the hotel after hanging out with Jeno and immediately started writing in his notebook, completely losing track of time. 

“That’s amazing,” Kun continues when he finally processes Renjun’s words, “I’m proud of you,” 

“Thank you,” Renjun replies, “It feels amazing, I forgot how amazing this feels,” 

“This is great, it means you can go back to Seoul soon, right?” 

Renjun falters. He can’t leave now, it’s too soon. He still has so much left to see, so much more to learn. He’s only just beginning to scratch the surface.

His life in Namwon is nothing but a fantasy, an escape. His rational brain knows that it’s short-lived. But his hopeful brain wants to ignore it, he wants it to last forever. Namwon is beautiful and Jeno even more so. How can he ever give it up?

“I need more time,” Renjun says quietly, “I’m not ready to leave yet,” 

Kun sighs, it sounds tired. Filling Renjun with guilt. 

“The company isn’t happy,” Kun says, “The missed concerts lost them a lot of money,” 

“I know,” Renjun says, he figured as much. 

“I’m aware that you need this break,” Kun continues, “But be careful, okay? Your career is at stake and I know how much you value your career,” 

Renjun sighs, “I know, gege, thanks for looking out for me,”

“Always,” Kun says gently, “now get some sleep,” 

Renjun barely gets any sleep that night. His mind is plagued with thoughts of Jeno. He spends the rest of his night writing in his notebook— it’s been empty for too damn long. 

Renjun’s lost count of the number of dates by now. He shows up outside Jeno’s house to pick him up for their next date. He wants to see the piano lounge when it isn’t empty, and Jeno sings his praises about the pianist there so Renjun wants to hear them play too. 

He knocks on the door. When there’s no response he knocks again. Jeno finally opens it after the third knock. 

“Sorry,” he says, hair styled and dressed in a _tight_ button up. Renjun has to remind himself not to stare. “Sora got a new sitter and I had to show her where everything is,” 

Renjun’s eyes light up at the mention of the child. He hasn’t seen her in far too long. He’s been missing his little Saturn. 

“Can I say hi to Sora before we go?” 

Jeno’s eyes widen. He looks behind the door nervously and when he looks back, he refuses to meet Renjun’s gaze.

“Maybe later, okay?” he says. 

Renjun’s eyebrows furrow. Strange. 

“Okay,” he says, “Let’s get going then,” 

Jeno locks the door behind him then links his hand with Renjun’s. With that, the subject is dropped. 

The piano lounge is just as beautiful when it’s alive with people. Everything is illuminated in a warm yellow. The pianist plays beautifully over the quiet sounds of chatter. Jeno and Renjun sit in a booth by the back, Renjun hidden under a mask and a black hat, while they talk quietly amongst themselves. Jeno’s hand is in his. He’s tracing patterns over the skin, playing with the rings on his hand. Under the table, their ankles are locked together. Renjun’s starting to forget what it feels like when Jeno’s hand isn’t in his, when they aren’t touching— it’s like a part of him is missing whenever Jeno let’s go. 

They meet Jeno’s friend who owns the piano lounge. Jaemin Na, he said his name was. He’s charismatic and friendly and even though Renjun doesn’t take his mask off— his eyes sparkle with familiarity. Jeno ensures him that Jaemin won’t tell, that he’s great at keeping secrets. For some reason, Renjun believes that. 

All the while, the incident from earlier lingers in Renjun’s mind. He wants to enjoy the date, but his mind is elsewhere, running over all the reasons why Jeno wouldn’t want him to see Sora. 

He asks about it when they’re walking home. Hand in hand, as always. The street is empty, as always. 

Renjun brings it up when they’re waiting at a pedestrian crossing, there’s no cars but Jeno stops anyway, insisting they wait until the little man turns green. He’s such a dad sometimes. 

“Can I ask you something?” Renjun says. 

“Sure,” 

The street lights cast shadows on Jeno’s face, Renjun wants to reach up and touch but he refrains.

“Why didn’t you want me to see Sora?”

“Oh,” Jeno says quietly, his eves travelling away from Renjun’s piercing gaze.

“We just started dating,” he continues, “I didn’t want her to get too comfortable around you,”

Renjun furrows his eyebrows, “It’s not like I haven’t spent time with her before,” 

“That was before we started seeing each other,” he says. 

“Why does that make a difference?” Renjun prods. 

_“Because,”_ Jeno raises his voice, “I don’t want her to get hurt in case we––”

He stops, cutting himself off. 

Renjun crosses his arms, the beginnings of a fight flaring up inside him, “In case _what_? In case we break up?” 

“Is that really so shocking to you?” Jeno scoffs, “Renjun, you have to go back to Seoul eventually,” 

Renjun huffs. He _knows_ that. He doesn’t need Jeno to explain it to him like he’s a child. 

“We don’t have to break up when I go back to Seoul,”

Jeno quirks an eyebrow up, “Do you really believe that?”

 _No._ “Yes.” 

“This is temporary,” he says, gesturing between the two of him, “I don’t want Sora to start thinking you’re her new dad just to have you leave when you realise you can’t avoid your problems forever,” 

His words cut deep, and maybe that is Jeno’s intention. He’s telling Renjun a truth that he doesn’t want to hear and saying it in the meanest way he can. 

“Is that what you really think of our relationship?” Renjun asks, “As just a means to an end?” 

Jeno doesn’t respond, his silence is loud enough.

“Wow,” Renjun spits out bitterly, “Fuck you,” 

He storms off, crossing the street and leaving Jeno alone on the other side.

Reality has been creeping up on Renjun since he stepped off the plane and onto Namwon soil. It’s been subtle, like the slow rise of fog–– now it’s fully engulfing Renjun, reaching down his throat and choking him. 

Renjun is sitting on the bed in his hotel room, his legs pulled up all the way to his chest. A wave of loneliness washes over him. It isn’t a feeling that’s foriegn to him, he’s had many nights like this in his apartment back in Seoul–– even times when he was travelling the country and had a hotel room all to himself. Except, he hasn’t felt lonely since he landed in Namwon, not until now. 

Just as he’s about to grab his phone and call Kun, his phone rings and Kun’s contact name pops up.

“Hey,” Renjun croaks out, “I was just about to call you,” 

“Junnie,” Kun says, “Have you searched your name recently?” 

“No?” he says, pulling his laptop up and opening it, “Why?” 

“Someone spotted you in Namwon, the company and the public know you’re here,”

Renjun freezes. 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah,” 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” 

His hands move at godspeed as he types his name into the Naver search bar. The top article features a picture of him at the piano lounge. Just him, no Jeno. _Thank god._

He’s sitting alone, it must have been when Jeno left the table to find Jaemin. His mask is pulled down so he can sip from his drink. It was a risky move but it was dark–– no one was supposed to recognise him. 

“What do I do now?” 

“Go back to Seoul,” Kun says bluntly, “I’ll take a flight and meet you there, we can figure this out together. Maybe get a lawyer and negotiate a better deal with the company.” 

Rationally speaking, it’s the best idea they have. But Jeno is mad at him, and he doesn’t want to leave on bad terms. He doesn’t want to leave Jeno at all. 

Kun seems to sense Renjun’s hesitation. 

“Renjun,” he says softly, “This is kind of an emergency,”

“I know, I know,” he says, massaging his temple. All the events of tonight piled on top of each other is starting to give him a migraine. “My time here isn’t done,” 

“It has to be,” Kun says, “If you stay there any longer they might take more drastic measures, they might sue,” 

Renjun sighs, “Give me one day, just one more day to say goodbye and I’ll leave the very next morning,” 

Kun sighs, “Okay. One day.” 

“Thank you gege,” Renjun breathes out in relief, “I love you, keep me posted,” 

“Love you too, stay safe, idiot.” Kun says before hanging up. 

One day left in Namwon. That’s all Renjun has left. 

The next day, Renjun is woken up by the sound of knocking on his door. His waking thought is _‘Oh shit the company tracked down my location and they’ve come to drag me back’._ Until he hears Jeno on the other side.

“Renjun, are you home? I brought cookies,” 

Honestly speaking, he’s still mad at Jeno. But he’s also hungry. He stands from his bed and trudges over to the door. Jeno is standing on the other side with an apologetic smile, a lunchbox in his hands.

“Hi,” 

Renjun scowls, “What are you doing here?” 

The crease in Jeno’s eyebrow deepens, it’s only the tiniest bit satisfying to Renjun. 

“I came to apologise,” Jeno says, “Can I come in?” 

Renjun opens his door further, leaving space for Jeno to enter. He hands Renjun the box of cookies, he opens the lid and sees that Jeno drew sad faces onto the cookies with icing. It brings a giggle out of him. Stupid Jeno. 

“Renjun,” Jeno says, making him look up, “I’m sorry for being such a dick,” 

Renjun sighs, closing the lunchbox and putting it on a table. He moves to sit on his bed and pats the space next to him for Jeno to join.

“I’m sorry too,” Renjun says, “I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up about the Sora thing. She’s your daughter, I completely understand why you’d be protective,” 

“Still, I shouldn’t have been so mean,” Jeno says. He reaches over to hold Renjun’s hand. The rough skin of his fingers grazing over Renjun’s palm, “I’m sorry for calling us temporary, that’s not really how I feel. If it were up to me, I’d keep you here forever,” 

Renjun smiles sadly.

“You were right though,” he lets go of Jeno’s hand and moves closer to touch his face. His fingers caress Jeno’s cheekbones and then move to cup his jaw. Jeno leans into the touch. 

“My life here is a fantasy, but I’d like to enjoy it while it lasts. So no more fighting, okay?” 

Jeno nods, “No more fighting,” 

Renjun lets out a breath of relief, “Can I kiss you now?” 

Their kiss tastes bittersweet–– like lemonade without enough sugar. The sweetness is barely there, so you have to savour it. And Renjun does. He kisses Jeno like his life depends on it, like every hardship he’s had to endure in his life has led up to this moment–– holding Jeno with both his hands, moving closer and closer with every breath stolen. Jeno pulls away with swollen lips and heavy breaths, he leans back down to kiss down Renjun’s jaw until he reaches his collarbones. He grips at Jeno’s hair, everything is warm, warm, warm. They fall back into the bed and Renjun rolls them over so he’s on top. 

Jeno looks so fragile under him, soft sunkissed skin and sharp collarbones. His silky hair fanning out against the pillow, staring up at Renjun with dark, dark, dark eyes. Jeno looks like something worth fighting for. Renjun grew up wanting one thing, chasing one dream. When he finally got it, the fame, the money, the platform to show his talents. He was still unsatisfied. 

But this–– _Jeno_ , what he has with Jeno, it’s what he wants forever, it’s the new dream he wants to chase. He didn’t realise he was craving a love like this until he met Jeno, until Jeno showed him there’s much more to life then what Renjun knew. Call it blind faith, naivety, call it whatever the hell you want–– Renjun wants it forever. 

He leans in and presses a hot kiss to his jaw. 

“You have no idea how much you mean to me,” he says into the skin there. He feels Jeno’s hand under his chin, pulling Renjun up to look at him.

“I have some idea,” he says. 

“I don’t want this to end,” Renjun whispers, frantically, desperately, like he needs Jeno to know. 

“Let’s not think about that right now,” Jeno says, voice gentle. Hopelessly gentle, like he always is. His voice, the way he kisses Renjun, the way he touches him. Gentle. 

So Renjun doesn’t think about it. Instead, he leans back in and kisses Jeno until they both forget. 

Later, when the morning sun is higher in the sky and the hotel room glows with orange, Renjun finally remembers to check his phone. 

**Kun ge:**

_I took the liberty of buying your ticket for you_

_You know, just in case._

**Renjun:**

_:/_

_thanks ig_

_Any updates from the company?_

**Kun ge:**

_You lost them a shit load of money_

_Bc of the missed concerts_

_I talked to a few contacts and they said the company might sue._

Renjun curses under his breath. 

“What’s wrong?” Jeno asks, turning over to lean his head on Renjun’s shoulder.

They’re both still in bed and shirtless. Jeno’s arms wrap around his bare waist, his embrace is warm. Renjun welcomes it. 

“I have to tell you something,” he says quietly, “I might ruin the moment,” 

Jeno frowns, he digs his chin into Renjun’s chest to look up at him. It kind of hurts but Renjun doesn’t mind, anything to keep Jeno close to him. 

“Someone took a picture of me at the piano lounge and leaked it to the press. My company knows I’m here,” 

Jeno’s frown deepens, “Will you be okay?” 

“Yeah, my brother is helping me out.” Renjun says, showing Jeno the texts, “I also have a plane ticket for tomorrow. It’s better I sort everything out in person.”

“Oh,” Jeno says, biting at his bottom lip, “So you’re leaving tomorrow then? For good?” 

Renjun sighs, he really doesn’t want to have this conversation. 

“It doesn’t have to be for good,” he tries, “I can always come back,” 

Jeno lays his head back down in the crook of Renjun’s shoulder. He traces patterns over Renjun’s chest with his fingertips. 

“It feels so unfair,” Jeno mumbles, “I wish we had more time,” 

Renjun pouts, he leans down to kiss Jeno’s hair. He closes his eyes and takes in all of Jeno. The smell of his shampoo, the way his fingers feel on Renjun’s skin. 

“Leaving doesn’t have to be the end of us,”

Long distance is always an option, but both of them know it’s a weak one. They both lead busy lives, he knows that sometimes Jeno goes days without checking his phone. 

Jeno says nothing. 

When he finally does speak, he drops the subject completely. 

“Why don’t you come over to dinner today? So Sora can see you before you go,” 

Renjun furrows his eyebrows, “Are you sure that’s okay?”

“Of course. Sora will miss you,” he insists, “You shouldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” 

“But––”

“No point arguing about it now,” Jeno says, “Come on, it’ll be nice. I’ll make you dinner and we can watch Disney movies,”

“That does sound nice,” Renjun hums, “Okay, I’m in.”

The first thing Sora does when Renjun comes over is drag him into her room to show him all her posters. And _Jesus Christ_ there are a lot, almost the entire wall is plastered with idols and movie characters, Renjun has no idea how she got Jeno to agree with this. She has a poster of Renjun–– one from his earlier albums where he had horribly bleached hair–– next to one of Elsa from Frozen. It’s flattering, it makes Renjun laugh. 

They sit together on the floor of her room, Sora shows him each one of her dolls. Many of which have missing limbs and strange haircuts. She’s created elaborate backstories for each one of her dolls, Renjun listens intently, maybe she can help him come up with album concepts. 

She suddenly stops chattering. 

“Appa says you’re leaving,” she says quietly. 

Renjun shuffles closer to her, she crawls over and sits in his lap. 

“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m going back to Seoul,”

She pouts, and Renjun melts like ice cream. 

“Why?” 

He sighs, “I have responsibilities back there,”

“Like what?” 

“Well, I have to keep performing, don’t I?” he says playfully, “To keep little girls like you happy with my music,” 

Sora only huffs and crosses her arms, “That’s unfair. You should stay with us so I can keep you all to myself,” 

He presses a kiss to her forehead, willing himself not to cry at the little girl's words. 

“I want that too, baby girl,” he says quietly, “Don’t be sad, okay? I’ll be back soon,” 

She looks up, wide eyes blinking at him. 

“Promise?” she holds out her pinky. 

Renjun links their pinkies together, “I promise,” 

There’s a knock on the door, they both look up. Jeno is standing at the doorway, an unreadable look in his eyes. 

“Dinner’s ready,” he says, voice sounding heavy. 

Sora jumps off Renjun’s lap, making a run for the kitchen. Renjun stands up, stopping at Jeno on his way out of the room.

“Are you okay?” he asks, bringing his hand to rest on Jeno’s nape. 

“I’m fine,” Jeno says without meeting his eyes, “I made hotpot, your favourite right?”

Renjun smiles, “Yeah. My favourite.” 

After dinner, Jeno pulls out all the blankets in the house and insists that they make a fort to watch movies in. Sora is thrilled about it, carrying stuffed toys in from her room that are twice her size. 

“Do you just buy Sora everything she asks for?” Renjun asks Jeno amusedly as she carries in a giant rabbit. Jeno glares at him from where he’s untangling fairy lights to hang over the blanket fort. 

“No,” he says petulantly. “Jaemin got her that rabbit,” 

“Oh yeah?” Renjun teases, “Did he get her the bear and the giant panda too?” 

“Shut up,” Jeno says with a pout, “you try saying no to those big brown eyes,” 

Renjun laughs, ruffling Jeno’s hair, “You’re just a little baby raising a littler baby,”

Jeno pokes his tongue out, “That’s not a word,” 

“You’re not a word,” 

“Good one, babe.” 

He tries to shove Jeno out of the fort, but the other man pulls Renjun down with him as he falls into the pile of soft blankets that cover the carpeted floor. Both giggling like idiots. 

Sora runs in, jumping on top of them and joining the doggy pile. 

Jeno groans playfully, “You’re so heavy, Sora,” 

“Hey!” Sora all but screeches, “Don’t be a meanie,” 

“Yeah, Jeno,” Renjun scolds, “Don’t be a meanie,”

Jeno rolls his eyes, manoeuvring Sora off him so he can sit up. 

“Let’s just pick a movie to watch,” he says, opening up his laptop. 

Renjun pulls Sora up with him, “What do you want to watch, little Saturn?” 

“Mulan!” 

“Sweetie, we watched that yesterday, and the night before,” 

“Mulan, Mulan, Mulan!” she chants. 

Renjun giggles, remembering how Jeno told him that she’s been obsessed with _Mulan_ ever since Jeno showed it to her for the first time. 

_“It was my favourite movie as a kid,”_ he had complained, _“Now, I’ve seen it so many times that I feel physically ill when we watch it,”_

“I think we should watch _Mulan_ ,” Renjun says, “I haven’t seen it in a while,” 

Sora cheers, Jeno scowls at him. 

“You’re so going to regret this,” Jeno says, but he pulls the movie up anyway, “She knows every word to the songs,” 

“Perfect,” Renjun says, grinning mischievously, “So do I.” 

“Dear lord.” 

Sora falls asleep halfway through the movie, Renjun joins her in slumber soon after. When he wakes up, she’s curled up on top of his chest, snoring lightly. Jeno is nowhere to be found. He slowly moves Sora off him, managing to get her on the pillows without waking her up and crawls out of the fort. He takes a few minutes to admire their work. The fairy lights look beautiful draped over the top of the fort, painting the living room in a soft yellow glow. They pulled a few chairs from the dining room to hold the fort up. Renjun has never built a blanket fort before, another thing to add to the list of new things he did in Namwon. 

The lights in the kitchen are on when Renjun enters, he sees Jeno standing by the counter with a cup of tea in his hands. 

“Can’t sleep?” Renjun asks. He has no idea what time it is but he can see the full moon through the kitchen window. Bright and enchanting, just like Namwon–– just like Jeno. 

“Nope,” Jeno keeps his voice quiet, “Do you want some tea?” 

“Sure,” 

Jeno pours him a cup from the kettle. Renjun takes it, leaning against the side of the counter to face Jeno. There’s been something off with him all night, especially now. It’s like there’s a dark cloud following him, drowning him with rain and gloom. His lips look like they’ve been bitten raw with worry and his eyebrows seem permanently furrowed. Renjun wants to reach up and smoothen them out. 

“What’s on your mind?” 

Jeno sighs, putting the cup down.

“I don’t want you to leave me,” his voice breaks mid-sentence. 

“Oh, Jeno,” Renjun says, he reaches forward to wrap his arms around Jeno, pulling him closer. 

“I know you have to and I always knew you were going to leave but–– _fuck._ ” he chokes out, “Seeing you with Sora, falling asleep with her in your arms. I want you to stay and I want all three of us to be together,” 

Now Renjun is going to cry. 

He cups Jeno’s face with both his hands, wiping the tears away with his fingers. 

They gently rest their foreheads together.

“Jeno, listen to me,” Renjun says, “You’ve given me everything here. I started loving music again because of you, I started _writing._ I’m going to fix the mess I made and then come back, or you can come visit me. We can make this work. We can.” 

Maybe if he repeats it enough they can both believe it. 

Jeno’s eyes are closed and his entire weight is leaned against Renjun. Like he needs Renjun to hold him up–– in many ways, Renjun feels the same way. 

“I love you,” Jeno says. 

“I love you too,” Renjun replies, he’s never been more sure of anything else in his life. “I’m coming back, I promise. Nowhere else feels like home.” 

He pulls Jeno in for a hug. So they can both draw comfort from each other. Jeno wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist, hooking his head over his shoulder and holding tightly. 

Like he’s afraid to let go. Renjun doesn’t want him to ever let go. 

When Renjun will look back at his time in Namwon, he’ll think of it fondly. If not for the crisp air and the pretty mountains–– then for the starry-eyed man who taught him how to love music again. Who made him feel invincible, brave, happy. And for the six-year-old girl that reminded him that people still like his music. That he still has fans, people who admire him and will love whatever he releases next. Hopefully, something that’s more authentic, more like him. 

He’ll think of how Jeno and Sora dropped him off at the airport. How Sora refused to let go of his hand when it was time for them to separate. How Jeno kissed his forehead as a goodbye. How Renjun whispered his promise of returning over and over again like a prayer. He’s coming back. He’s coming back. 

Now, Huang Renjun, twenty-five-year-old idol, is sitting in a plane to Seoul. He has a game plan. Kun gave him a few of his contacts for lawyers who have dealt with idol cases before. He’s going to negotiate a better deal with his company, hopefully, the new lawyer can convince them not to sue. 

He feels ready to take on Seoul again. He’s well-rested, newly inspired and ready for a fight. 

He hopes the fight is short-lived–– after all, he does have a home to return to. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! let me know what you think <3
> 
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/heejinsbian)!


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